Cooper James

My best friend Stevie delivered her beautiful baby boy on August 16th at 11:00 in the morning. He is beautiful and perfect. And it was a moment I had been anticipating for months. If you have the time, please let me show you the beauty of this friendship and how God has interwoven our lives together to create something to give thanksgiving and praise for.

Stevie and her twin sister Alex and I went to school together when we were in first grade. But after second grade, I went to several other different schools. But our sophomore year of high school we were  reunited. They and a group of friends all had decided to move with Mrs. Radford to RCS to finish school. I was planning on going to Poudre High School, but God told me that I was supposed to go to RCS. I call this my "Jonah" phase. Because I did NOT want to be there. And I let people know it too. I was probably one of the most unapproachable students because I was angry at God for ruining my plans (see I have planning issues). To top it off, my Mom was the athletic director and convinced me to go out for volleyball.

If you have never played volleyball before, let me tell you, it is not a sport that you can easily pick up. It is a sport that requires repetition in order to master its skills. I had never played the sport in my life and everyone in my class had been playing since they were knee high. They all made varsity. I made Junior Varsity....only because we did not have a C team because if we had, I'm pretty sure I would have been on it. And being apart of the volleyball team meant that every August, Mrs. Radford would take us on a team trip to Texas. There we would stay at her friend's lake house and play several games against local teams. This would have been a blast if 1) I had not been determined to be miserable and make everyone else around me feel my misery 2) I had been able to decently play the sport of volleyball.

Alex and Stevie both made varsity. And not only did they make varsity, but they were starters. Stevie was our setter and Alex one of our outside hitters. And Alex got the delightful task of "befriending me". She would talk to me, ask me how I was doing, and be kind to me when I was making it difficult. I will never forget her generosity. And gradually a friendship began to grow between the twins and myself.

Our junior year, Stevie and I bonded over the fact that both of us had "serious" boyfriends. And the fact that, she, Alex, and I were rejected by most of our classmates. Why? Well, I don't think I'll ever completely understand, but that's a very long story for another day. But we learned to survive by clinging to each other. She, Elliot (her now husband), Jason and I went to homecomings and proms together. She was the first friend I told that I was going to marry Jason after only dating him for 2 months.

Our senior year, miracles of all miracles (it seriously is) I made varsity. In fact, I was a starter. I know Jesus did this. Talk about redemption. I was by no means the "star" player. But I held my own. I will always treasure playing volleyball with my twin friends. We even got to go to state. And when graduation day came, no one was happier than the three of us. We had survived. And we did it together.

I went to UNC for college and Stevie went to Arizona and Alex traveled the globe with YWAM. But I remember calling Stevie sometime in March, telling her "I'm engaged!". And she replied, "We are getting engaged soon too!". We got married three days apart. She postponed her honeymoon so that she could attend my wedding, and I spend the week up until my wedding helping her prepare and decorate for hers.

And she was the first friend who I told, "We're pregnant!" And then two weeks later, I get a call. She tells me, "We're pregnant too!". And I replied, "Of course you are. Because we do everything together. So if I'm pregnant you have to be too."

During our pregnancies, we shared everything. We would have lunch every Tuesday. We would text each other how we were feeling or ask each other questions like "Do you think this is normal...?" We tried to determine what sex our babies were. Stevie was convinced she was having a girl. I was convinced I was having a boy. Ha! Our due dates were only a few weeks apart. We planned our baby showers two weeks apart. We rejoiced with each other and celebrated that our babies would be friends and playmates.

Then on March 22nd Stevie came to my hospital room at PVH, where she works. She was on shift that night. She came in with a brave face but I could see the fear and tears in her eyes. As I lay in the bed, still pregnant with my child, and she, with her growing child, grabbed my hand and prayed with me. She begged Him to let me keep my child, to spare me the hurt I would soon endure. And at that moment, an indescribable bond was forged between us.

When I got home from PSL after we lost Aleah, I wanted to see Stevie. I remember her coming and having the most amazing, God exulting, conversation with her. And then I remember asking her if I could touch her stomach. And she nodded. And I reached out and put my hand on her growing belly and thanked God for Cooper. In that moment, I knew I would love him. I would rejoice over him. I would see him as a symbol of God's goodness.

And so our friendship continued and grew. She has cried countless tears with me. She has listened to me for hours on end and has been nothing but supportive. She has spent countless hours on her knees for me. She has stood with me and by me through what should be the happiest time of her life. But she has decided to share my grief. To walk where I have walked, to feel what I feel. And I am so utterly grateful to her.

She went with me to pick out Aleah's headstone. And as I bawled in the car on the way home, she grabbed my hand and mirrored my grief by crying along with me. And I have sat in her living room, with her a week past her due date and laughed with her as we watch Cooper move and outgrow the space inside her. We have danced the sacred dance of sorrow and joy together. We have mirrored each other. She has known depth by sharing my sorrow and I have known fulness by sharing in her joy.

Cooper was so happy inside her that after two full weeks past her due date, they had to evict him by inducing labor. I was at work as she was in labor with him. I was receiving text message updates from Alex, God bless her. I was praying and rejoicing. I felt like I was there in spirit. And after a hard and difficult delivery, Stevie allowed me and Jason to come see Cooper.

When he was placed in my arms, I bawled. But they were tears of appreciation and joy. Of thankfulness that this little one was here and alive. Feeling the sensation of air going in and out of his lungs was so beautiful, something I never felt my child do. And of course, she cried with me. And I rejoiced with her. I wish I had words to adequately describe the beauty of that moment. Of seeing the evidence that our God brings both sunshine and rain; together they reveal indescribable beauty.