Because He's Good Like That

This morning I was in the shower. I don't know about you but I do a lot of thinking in the shower. God and I have a lot of conversations in there. There have been many times when my grief finds me there and I have no choice but to sit on the shower floor and let the water and tears wash over me. It is a place where I am naked before God, figuratively and literally (sorry if that's an over share but we all take showers right?). It is a place of vulnerability. There is nothing that can be hidden.

Today God and I were talking. And for the first time, I felt an urge to tell Him about my dreams for Aleah. This seemed somewhat odd to me because He has been teaching me how to lay down my dreams and my own will. But I reverently felt that I would be permitted to ask if I could share the dreams with Him. And He said, "Yes, tell me about them." So I started telling Him about the outfits I bought and which outfit I picked for her to be dedicated in. I told Him about all the times she would lay on my chest and fall asleep and how I would thank Him for those precious moments. I told Him how we would do everything together. And how we would spend the morning getting to know each other and giggling together. How I would try to make her smile. And how I would kiss every inch of her little body. I told Him all of it. And He listened to me with a quiet, loving patience.

And then He asked me, "Jessica, what dream did you want most for her?" And I smiled as I answered, "I wanted her to know You. And I wanted her to love You the most." I am so convinced that the Holy Spirit helps us pray. I know that weeks before Aleah would be called into Jesus' arms, I felt pressed to pray that over her. He was preparing my heart to accept her destiny and calling. I even got to be apart of her calling. The fact that I asked that of my Lord and that He faithfully saw it to fruition has brought me so much peace and joy. And I know that with my next child, He will again teach me how to pray. Because He's good like that.

Speaking of the next child, please pray for us. We feel that God has said that it is time to start trying again. So we are trying. Please pray over our minds. For me that is what is attacked most. We are praying that we will not place expectations on God, but that we would trust Him fully. We know He knows the exact moment our next child is supposed to be conceived. His timing is perfect. The waiting game is the hardest. If you have ever tried to conceive you know how hard the whole month can be wondering if it has happened. But we will trust in our mighty God. We will believe that He has good thoughts towards us. That He has a future. That He is and will continue to redeem.