Thankful

In this season, Jesus has taught me to be thankful. I am thankful that we were able to get pregnant so easily. I am thankful that I got to feel her moving as early as 16 weeks. I felt her move every single day after that. She had energy! Sometimes I would be sitting and she would kick me so hard that I would jump. She was a strong little girl. I love that I know that about her. I am thankful that I got to hold her and see her tiny movements. I am thankful that she died in my arms and not in her crib in the NICU.

I am thankful for all the pictures that we have of her. I will not forget what she looked like. I am thankful for the ultrasounds that we had with her. We saw her at 5 weeks (well actually she was too little to be seen then but we saw her sac) we saw her heart beating at six weeks, we saw her dance, spin, and twirl inside me at 16 weeks, and we saw that she was a beautiful baby girl at 20 weeks. I am thankful that God named her. I will always know it was His will that she leave this earth so early because of her name. It was always her destiny; her name was His stamp of approval.

I am thankful that I can joke and call her my "little vegetarian" because when I was pregnant with her she would not let me eat meat! I am thankful that we recorded her heartbeat when we heard it coming in strong at 150 bpm when she was 14 weeks. Now, I listen to that recording over and over again and let the tears fall and remember my lovely Aleah. I am thankful that Jesus died for us. I have always been thankful that He sacrificed Himself, but this year it has taken on new meaning because now I am a mother. My greatest concern was for her safety and welfare and because He sacrificed His only Son, my child will have eternal life. He has promised me that I will see her again.

I am thankful for the presence of the Holy Spirit inside me. He is the voice of truth. He is teaching me to be quiet and listen for His voice. I am thankful that I am can embrace my grief and sorrow as friends that will carry me through this heart-wrenching season. I am thankful for my husband. Jesus gave me an earthly mate that I can walk through the fire with. I am thankful for everyone who has prayed for me and my husband. We are so thankful for your prayers and we really do feel them. I am thankful for everyone who reads this blog. Thank you for letting me pour out my heart here. I am thankful for the promises that will come. I proclaim in Jesus' name to be thankful for the future babies He will give me because it is His good pleasure to bless me, not because I deserve it but because He is wonderful and good.