My brother Adam and I were driving in the car about a month ago and we were talking about the anointing of God. I have always craved the anointing, even as a little girl. I remember lying on my bed when I was 6 or 7 and pouring my little child heart out to Jesus begging Him to give me a life of destiny and purpose. For as long as I can remember, I have craved the deep things in life. I have desired richness and purpose.
My favorite Bible story was and is Joseph. I love stories that begin with tragedy but end in triumph and victory. Right now I feel like Joseph. I feel like I have escaped the pit only to end up in prison. But I get to cheat. Jesus already has told me how this story ends and it ends with me receiving an inheritance beyond anything I could have planned for myself. It ends with me finally gazing on the One that my soul loves. It ends with my holding the one that my heart broke for, and kissing her sweet cheeks and gazing into the eyes that I have never seen open. It ends with the One who died to give me life wiping away every tear.
I have to be honest, which I always try to be when writing and sharing my heart, these past few months have been a battle that I did not anticipate. I did not anticipate the feelings of despair or discouragement. I knew I would be attacked by my enemy but I underestimated how ruthless and cruel he would be. The Bible does not lie when it says he comes to steal, kill, and destroy. Expect no less than pure evil from him. I know a lot of you may be sitting there thinking "Duh, its Satan". But I know for me, much of my Christian life I have underestimated his desire to destroy me. I more just pictured him as disliking me. Wrong. He hates me with everything in his being. He despises every fiber of my being; in case you were wondering, he hates you that much too. And as I draw closer and closer to my Father, the snake tries harder and harder to destroy me. I feel like I have a bright red target on my back.
But praise Jesus, He has never left me. There have been days where I have not wanted to go another step but He keeps me going. There have been many moments where I can almost physically feel Him with me. These moments often feel like an embrace from heaven. They only last a few seconds but their memory stays with me. The night we returned from the hospital, I was lying up in my room alone. Jason had gone to get my cell phone charger over at my parents house. Up until that point, God had never given me visions of anything. But as a lay there on my bed, trying to know how to respond to feeling completely and utterly broken I saw Jesus. I did not see His face, but I saw Him. He came into my room, walked over to the side of the bed where I was lying and caressed the side of my cheek. Then He was gone. It is moments like those that I hold onto. They are what keep me putting one foot in front of the other. His grace is sufficient.
Ok but back to the anointing thing. When I was in high school, my walk with God became complacent and when God put Jason in my life, my whole focus was to make a picture perfect family with him. Nothing else mattered to me more than that. But the moment I knew that we would have to give Aleah back to her creator, the bottom fell out of my perfect life. After a few weeks of not speaking to God, I finally broke down and prayed, "Ok God. You just shot my perfect little life plan to hell, so You better use me. There is no way that I am going through all this pain for nothing. I'm Yours. This world has nothing for me." And ever since then, I have begun to hear His voice like never before. My love for Him has grown beyond anything I could have imagined, and I know that it will only increase. The more of Him I experience, the hungrier I am.
I know God has placed an anointing on my life. I believe I am anointed to testify and demonstrate the goodness and faithfulness of my God. But I never ever want to walk in pride. I have heard many people acknowledge how this blog has blessed them and I thank God for that. But it is ALL Him. Lord, all glory and honor to You. Because You KNOW this was not my plan. I would not have written my story this way. But God You are too good to let me wallow in my own shallow dreams and plans. You stoop down to make Me great because of Your goodness and faithfulness.
One word God spoke to my heart this last week was about Aleah. I was thinking about her heartbeat and how strong it was. We had a heart rate monitor on her the whole time and her heartbeat stayed at 150 and never wavered. She was a strong little girl. And I heard God whisper to me, "The second her heart stopped beating for you, it started beating for Me." Oh Lord how good You are. I share these things with you because I hope that you will see the love of our Father and how He delights in His children.
So back to the car with my brother. We were also talking about how we have seen some people who are very anointed by God, take that anointing and glorify themselves. Lord I repent of any time I have done this, forgive me. Never, never do I want to take what belongs to Him. Adam said he heard one of the pastors at our church talk about when Christians take glory for what God has given them through the anointing. Adam said, "Its like being at a party and you are given a bag of potato chips to take from and pass along. You did not manufacture the potato chips, you did not make them. You have received them and benefited from them and now you need to pass them to the next person. Why would you expect the person you are passing the chips to, to thank you like you made the chips?" It is such a simple picture but an accurate one. So this is me passing the potato chips. They are some good potato chips not because I am such a good passer but because He is such a masterful creator.
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