As a little girl, one of my most favorite thing to do was to lay on the rug right outside my parent's shower. Early in the morning, I would hear the shower water come rushing out of the shower head. At the sound, I would quickly grab my pillow and my blanket and I would run to the bathroom. I adored the sound of the water's symphony of sound and the warmth of the steam that rose and enveloped me in a blanket of misty warmth. And I would smile with a feeling of glee, knowing that my Mother would soon find me lying at her feet. Sure enough, she would pull back the shower curtain to find her four year old at her feet smiling up at her as she tried to exit the shower. She would say, "Jessica Lee, what are you doing?" And I would just giggle, knowing that I had "surprised" my Mother. As an adult, I am sure that part of my Mother just wanted to have a shower alone because she would be with me and my brother all day long. But she always welcomed me with love. My four year old self knew she would not turn me away and tell me to leave. She would welcome my presence with her love.
This is the kind of courage and faith my Father wants from me. He wants me to approach Him with the knowledge and understanding that I will not be turned away. That I am not an inconvenience to Him. His banner over me is love. He wants me to run into His presence everyday like I would run when I heard the shower. I did not see my Mother but I KNEW she was in the shower. I knew that she loved me and would not turn me away. I have been learning to rest and wait on the Lord. The rest should not be full of anxiety and worry, but instead should consist of a stubborn belief that He will come, I just don't know when. I knew she would eventually get out of the shower and discover me, I just didn't know when. Anticipation increased my desire to see her. I believe God does the same with us. He wants us to wait for Him and grow in love and longing to be face to face with Him.
I have been continually amazed how my love for Him has grown. This is not to say that it was been a steady incline. In fact, there has been many many valleys, storms, and dark nights. And I know there will be more. But I am ascending. I am growing closer and closer to His heart. I have seen the beauty of the Lord and tasted His goodness so that I can never walk away. My heart longs for the day of His return. The day where I will see Him with my eyes for the first time. Where I will see the wounds that purchased me for Heaven's Kingdom. I feel like I am finally walking the path He has called me to. It isn't an easy path because He loves me too much to give that. He has chosen to develop me, to make me beautiful the way that sunshine and clear skies never could. It will be thunderclouds and rain for me. But it will nourish me and make me grow. And so as MercyMe has sang, I will say, "If that's what it takes to praise You, Jesus bring the rain."
If you are in rain, do not despair. His love for you is bringing the wet rain to your dry soul. Accept the wet, messy, blessings. I have learned that blessings and pleasure are not at all the same thing. Blessings often hurt, are uncomfortable, and bring change. Pleasure is soft, sweet, and unchanging. I know someday I will experience the pleasures of Heaven and maybe even pleasures in this life, but blessings will transform me. The harder it rains, the more puddles there will be. And when I look at the puddles that the rains have brought to my life, I hope to see the reflection of Christ staring back at me.
